No, we don't eat bacon. Yes, we're still alive.
Upon meeting a vegetarian, you may think you have stumbled upon one of the most bizarre and deranged creatures ever—a person who willingly subjects herself to a life without bacon?! The horror! The blasphemy! Shock overwhelms you, and there are so many burning questions to ask: Have you ever had a steak? Are French fries vegetarian? What do you eat on Thanksgiving?
But for the sake of all herbivores everywhere, here are 19 things that we kindly ask that you refrain from saying to a vegetarian’s face. Trust us, we’ve probably heard it before. First and foremost, though, please, please stop trying to bribe us to eat meat!
“Wait…you really never eat meat? How is that possible?”
People ask us this as though they’re personally offended by our decision to not eat meat. Yes, I am vegetarian. Yes, it is possible. You got a problem with that?
“I’m gonna make you a big juicy steak sometime.”
Apparently men think this is a great way to flirt with vegetarians.
“Date me, I’ll change ya.”
But we don’t want big juicy steaks…
“Oh, so that’s why you’re small.”
Believe it or not, not every vegetarian is on a vegetarian diet to lose weight.
“Wait…so how do you get protein???”
I appreciate your concern, but please, mind your own protein business.
“If I was vegetarian, I would die because there would be nothing to eat.”
Obviously you’ve never heard of lasagna…or pizza…or ice cream…
“You can just pick out the meat, right?”
This makes vegetarians feel very misunderstood. It’s like cooking the chicken and vegetables in the same pan and saying they didn’t touch. We are afraid of meat, don’t push it.
“Oh, I forgot you’re a vegetarian. Will there be something for you to eat there?”
No. Which is why we can’t wait to go home and devour kale chips in isolation.
“They have salad.”
Surprisingly, that is usually not our first choice.
“Well, your purse is made of leather.”
Once people get over the shock that a vegetarian doesn’t eat meat, they proceed to make us a target for all of their jokes. A lot of these jokes include trying to catch us off guard and prove that we aren’t “legit” vegetarians.
“I tried being a vegetarian once. I lasted a week.”
Not impressed. Heard it a million times.
“Do you get grossed out when people eat meat in front of you?”
Do you want the honest answer?
“If I gave you a million dollars, would you eat meat? What if you were lost in the wild?!”
Ah, yes, the “scenario” game. Very clever.
“I’m a vegetarian too, but every once in awhile I eat chicken.”
Flexitarians aren’t true vegetarians. No offense.
“Come on, I know you want to try it…”
If you think holding your fork of meat close to our face is going to convert us, think again.
“How can you live off of grass and leaves?”
Please, stop comparing vegetarian food to bird food. How would you like it if we compared your food to “caveman food”? Not so much, huh?
“But HOW can you live without BACON?!”
Seriously, what is it with bacon??! Believe it or not, you guys, it is possible to live without bacon.
“I’m going to sneak meat into your food sometime.”
Come on, don’t do that. That’s just cruel.
“You’re a vegetarian? That’s sad.”
Yes, we sit around and eat grass and feel miserable about our lives.